I was pretty sure this morning that I hit Abraham Lincoln with my car.
I was futzing with my coffee cup and the radio and trying not to be late on the very first day of a new month. Especially this month, November is a big month at Magnical. Starting it off on a bad note by being late would be a disaster, so I was rushing a bit as I made the turn onto Marshal. All of a sudden there was Lincoln and a Ninja Turtle in the road in front of me. It was immediately clear I was going to hit one of them, so I swerve, trying to miss them, but I hit Lincoln anyway and there is a sickening thud and crack as he goes under the front end of my jeep. Of course, the Ninja Turtle was able to react fast enough to get out of the way.
I came skidding to a stop and peered through my rear-view at the stovepipe hat and the scatter of candy all over the pavement. It was the candy that set me off. Why on earth would the sixteenth president be walking down the street in the early morning carrying a bunch of candy. This was ridiculous. “This obviously isn’t really happening,” I said to myself aloud, rationalizing that I had been under a lot of pressure at work recently, “perhaps I’ve snapped?” I wondered.
I looked myself in the eyes in my mirror and took a deep breath. “Get your shit together and get out of the middle of the road before you cause a real accident,” I said. I was going to be okay as long as I destressed a little, unlike the weird Lincoln vision who insisted on continuing to ooze red all over the pavement behind me even though I knew he wasn’t real.
As my car started crawling forward I noticed something dark near the corner of my eye and reached up to wipe it away. I had missed a spot, just a little bit of eye liner left over from my Halloween costume from the night before. “Good catch,” I thought as I cruised towards the on ramp, “wouldn’t want anyone to think you’re crazy.”