Spoon“So, you killed it?” the judge asked.

He was an attractive man, the defendant thought. Looking up into his incredibly symmetric face, she saw a deep frown there and, for the first time, felt that, maybe, she had done something wrong.

“I’m sorry,” she said, “I didn’t think you’d mind.”

“Why did you use a spoon?” the judge asked, cocking his eyebrow a little and looking her in the eyes. She wasn’t sure, but was that a twinkle of amusement stirring in those glacier-blue eyes?

“My fork was dirty,” she responded, looking down at her hands.

“It’s okay,” the judge said. His voice had changed, so she looked back up at him to find that his deep frown had shattered into a grin. He had never been mad, he had been playing, “we can order another one.”

She smiled back at him.

“Though, the kind of person that kills off the dessert when their date goes off to the bathroom…” he said, his expression once again serious, but this time it was a thin, sheer cloth that didn’t even come close to masking his jovial attitude. “I’ll have to keep my eye on you.”

“Please do,” she responded putting the tip of the spoon to her mouth. She knew that what they were doing was wrong — the judge and the defendant going out on a date — but they got along so well and, besides, it’s not like it was a murder trial.


Gary the Gorilla


Gary the Gorilla was taken from his home.
He wasn’t mistreated but he was not free to roam.
They kept him in a cage and taught him to sign
so he could communicate that all was just fine.

They kept him alone – away from all others,
except the two researchers, the Donahue brothers.
The brother’s would ask him, “Gary,” they’d say
“How are you feeling on this beautiful day?”

With a thumb to his chest and his fingers stretched out,
he’d say he was fine. He never signed “great,” nor gave them a pout.
They treated him nicely and fed him like a king
but he’d rather’ve not been locked away like a thing.

Gary, one day, heard the two brothers talking,
the lab had lost funding and on the edge they were rocking.
Gary understood that money bought food,
and to not offer help would be terribly rude.

So, he signed them a story, with his huge, apen hands.
Slow going it was, but they had no other plans.
They watched as he told a story of golden treasure he found,
one day when he was young and loafing around.

The brothers looked at each other, their eyes filled with fire.
Greed was a human attribute that Gary did not admire.
The next day they were gone, off on their adventure,
while the intern fed Gary, not paid but indentured.

After two long weeks and a flight over seas,
the tickets expensive, due to some hidden fees,
the brothers returned, worse off than before
they had found nothing, they were broke, and their muscles were sore.

They accused him of lying and ruining their science,
Gary lifted his arms in a sign of compliance.
He promised them both, that golden treasure was there
and if they couldn’t find it, to blame him was not fair.

He made a jelly-fish fist swimming away from his chest
then each hand made an “a” and together they pressed
“Take me with,” he had signed while nodding his head.
He assured them, “I show you,” and he meant what he said.

On this trip, they cut corners, to keep the cost down.
They bought Gary a human ticket and dressed him up like a clown.
They spent every last penny to get to the jungle
and they just had to hope that this time they’d not bungle.

While unboarding the plane, Gary tipped off a man.
The guy noticed the gorilla and to security he ran.
But they were in Africa already, and left the airport in a rush
eager to disappear off into the brush.

They knew the authorities for them would be looking
but if they came back rich, bribes might keep them from booking.
So, they trusted the ape to lead them to riches, but if not…
they’d be arrested, and sentenced. In prison they’d rot!

Gary led them along and they walked for three days
and past where they had previously stopped by a ways.
Uphill they did trek, Gary leading their paces,
until they were certain they would fall on their faces.

Then they stopped in a clearing and the brothers sat down.
Chuck, the older brother, wore an exhausted frown.
He was sitting there thinking about how he missed his wife Anna,
when Gary plucked from the tree and handed to him a banana.

“How much longer?” Chuck asked. Looking up, he sighed,
because Gary looked into the trees. The golden fruit there he eyed.
“Here,” Gary signed, not bothering to look their way,
because he knew exactly what their faces would say.

The trees were full of fruit; more than most, at least,
but suddenly the Donahue optimism ceased.
“What do you mean we are here?” Chuck’s face in a scrunch.
Gary grabbed handfuls of bananas, brought them down by the bunch.

Then, the pile huge, “golden treasures” he signed.
“And this treasure here doesn’t need to be mined.”
“You lying, dirty ape!” the younger one yelled.
Then Gary stood up and his gigantic chest swelled.

Any anger the brothers felt, melted away into fear
as Gary started to howl and beat his chest, stepping near.
The brothers ran away and Gary did not follow,
for to tear their arms off would be a victory most hollow.

He had gotten what he wanted, he was finally free.
And the brothers were broke; they could not pay their fee.
When they were caught, behind bars they would stay,
While Gary the gorilla would eat treasure all day.

The end

You can listen to me read it here:



You can get Gary swag here: http://www.redbubble.com/people/imasillypirate/works/16504431-gary-the-gorilla

Parade Raining

Do you ever come across a piece that you wrote a long time ago which you immediately fall back in love with?
I happened upon the following piece (written in 2008) buried in the deep, dark recesses of an old writing folder along with 5 accompanying sketches and I felt like sharing, because I really like it/ them.
Without further introduction… enjoy a previously unposted snapshot of my literary past.

———————-   ———————-

Parade Raining

01The rain came down. Dancing in the pale, yellow sodium street light, the distinct drops painted streaks of refraction on the patchy black backdrop of an overcast night sky. Every drop of refreshing precipitate that gently struck my upturned face exploded in a tiny blossom of chilled peacefulness. Each collision a distinct, blissful experience.

Alone they landed, but together, they melded into a flowing body, caressing my cheeks and brow, cascading through my hair and over my chin, down my neck and over my pale, bare chest. The flow would then either drip off my finger tips, each drop leaving a gentle kiss as it let go, or it would soak into the waist of my jeans, for a longer, yet still inevitable, trip to join the puddle around my naked feet.

I curled my toes. The mud that squished between them sent a sensual, relaxing wave up my body.02

The mortgage fell away.

I took a deep breath of the cool, saturated air. The tangy smell of sopping autumn helped drop my shoulders back.

The fact that I needed to dump another unbelievably large sum of cash into that over-regulated hunk of steel and pistons faded into a position in which it no longer mattered.

A smile curled over my lips as the tranquil roar of the falling drops filled my head. I turned my sensitive palms outward and raised my arms from my sides. As I did so, the tie that had been loosely held in my left hand slipped through my fingers to rest on top of the discarded shirt that soaked up mud.

My fear about the wife I may or may not still love leaving me and taking the dog I still haven’t trained not to crap on the floor, paled until not even a hint of the anger, the fear, or the question lurked in my mind.

As my hands reach03ed a forty five degree angle, the fragrant, chill breeze nuzzled its way up and enveloped my body and outstretched limbs.

It failed to matter that I had just stormed out of a meeting with the board that now viewed me as a joker and a clown. Like a sand castle melting into the ocean, the seeming importance of their comments disappeared.

Total bliss and happiness set in.

I closed my eyes, and smiled into the rain.

The rain.
The ecstasy.
Bathing in the rain and the street light.
Not only was everything going to be okay, everything was okay. No, not okay; everything was perfect…


I was jarred into a state of confusion as the rain suddenly stopped. No, not stopped; I could still hear it but couldn’t feel it. I opened my eyes to see an umbrella held over me by a tall dark figure. The ambient light reflected from the shiny ground illuminated a bone pale face looking down at me, dark eyes remaining in shadow. The white face seemed to glow faintly in the black surroundings of a hood.

Still staring into the seemingly missing eyes, I opened my mouth to speak in protest, but my throat was suddenly dry and refused to utter a sound.

He spoke in a deep rumble, “Come. You’ll catch your death playing in the rain like this.”


And They Wonder Why We Hate Them

And_They_WonderLooking down at their cowering forms he lifted the sword above his head. He saw the glint off the blade reflected in their wide eyes and he smiled; he loved his job.
A long silence crept between them as he stood like that, watching the children, waiting for the moment to be just right.
Bringing the handle close to his forehead, he finally said, “Look! I’m a unicorn!” and began to dance wildly from side to side, his gigantic shoes flopping on the ground, and the balloon sword waving back and forth above his brightly colored hair.