2015 in Retrospect

Well, readers, it’s that time of year again, where I spend my weekly post talking about things that went on in my life in the last year, just in case anyone cares. If you have more of a “I don’t give a shit about your personal life, GIMME MORE FICTION” sort of attitude, well… that’s fantastic, just look back in the archives I’m sure you’ll find something that you missed (There are 158 other posts, after all).

There are great years, there are bad years, then there are those years that just kind of serve to deliver their occupants from the previous year to the latter. 2015 was of this last sort for me. I know both amazing and horrific things happened in the world, but we are talking, right now, about things that happened in my life. Nothing that big happened, which, I think, is something to be thankful for.

I finally started working with the editor at Divertir Publishing on my novel, HAROLD AND THE PURPLE WORMHOLE, which they intend to publish. It’s been almost a year and a half since I signed my contract, but I’m still really excited! No release date yet, but believe me, you’ll hear about it once I know anything.

A few months go, I discovered RedBubble (http://www.redbubble.com/people/imasillypirate/shop) where one can put their artwork on mugs, shirts, hoodies, phone cases, journals…etc. People can order the stuff and I get a few bucks. In my opinion, most of the base prices are a bit too high, so I don’t sell much but it’s fun to see my designs on stuff.

Over the last year I wrote my Master’s thesis and defended my project. In the project we started with several nuclear equations of state (theoretical models for the behavior of really dense material) and modeled the quark-hadron composition of neutron stars (what the neutron stars are made of) and how that changes as they spin down. The editing process and working with my committee has been slow. So, despite my assurances last year that I’d be done by now… We’re still working on it. Barring mental breakdowns or alien abductions, though, this spring semester will be my last. I should have the project submitted early in the term and spend the rest of the semester teaching my labs and desperately looking for a job to start this summer.

That being said… I’ll have a BS and a MS in Physics, I like to code, I love to write, I’m passionate about teaching, and I’m looking for a job!

[Insert GIF of Richard dancing the “Hire me! Hire me!” Dance.]

Let me know if you have any ideas. Here’s my Linked in: https://www.linkedin.com/in/richard-mellinger-9a957b39

My special lady friend and I have now been together for almost 4 years. I’m going to avoid gushing, so I’ll just say that I like her a lot. :p

I’ve made some new friends, grown closer to others, lost touch with a few, and reconnected with a handful that I lost touch with before. I read a lot of good books, I ate a lot of good food, and I listened to a great big pile of excellent music. A few close friends got married. I did a lot of writing and even more editing. I drew some funny pictures. I had some good ideas and some not so good ideas… and I survived.

You know what? Fuck it. I change my mind. 2015 was a pretty good year. Big changes await in 2016, and I think I’m better suited to meet them for having known you, 2015, so thank you.

Thanks for a great year, everyone. Happy new one!

With respect to 2015, may you spend at least 23.76% more of the coming year giggling and 13.74% less making typos.


Christmas in Prison

XmasInPrisonIt was Christmas eve and snow gently settled to the prison roof around Kris. He only wore his thin orange jumpsuit, but the bite of the cold was outweighed by the pleasant feel of fresh air in his lungs and the peaceful view of the snow fluttering downward. He could get to the roof from the laundry room, where he worked, because there was a small exhaust flue in the laundry room. It was far too small for anyone to climb up, but the once-jolly fat man didn’t need to climb; all he had to do was stick his finger in his nose.

He came up here when he could, but escaping the same way was out of the question, as there was nothing even remotely chimney-like that ran to the outside of the wall. The roof was a great place to calm himself down when he was getting overwhelmed. From where he stood, he could see the entire prison yard, and, through several layers of high fence the edge of the forest was even visible. He was serving several consecutive life sentences for 18,543,231 counts of trespassing. His wife came to visit when she could, in fact she’d be there the following day, but it was a long commute and it was tough to get away when there where hundreds of out of work elves underfoot all the time, lounging around and drinking away their troubles.

Watching the snow fluttering to rest along the treeline, Kris noticed movement and peered into the darkness. It was a deer grazing on the grass near the fence.

Kris had an idea. He’d have to bribe Tully in the kitchen to sneak him some extra cookies and get the strength of his magic up a bit, but it might be able to reach through the fences. He just might be able to fly out of there, given some time.

“Next year,” Kris muttered under his breath, “next year, Christmas will be different; father’s coming home.”



Yeah, yeah… I stole the name of a John Prine song… The song is fantastic, but this has nothing to do with the song.

Merry holiday-ness everyone!

If, for whatever reason, you wanted a shirt, or mug or something with Santa Claus on it in a prison jumpsuit, those can be found on my RedBubble. http://www.redbubble.com/people/imasillypirate/works/19765213-christmas-in-prison

Bigfoot killed him


Bigfoot killed him. The big, hairy beast took his life.
He became obsessed,  lost his job, and got sick from sleeping in a box. It would have been far more kind for the beast tear his arms off, but instead he hides just out of sight, luring men in with the mystery: a far more captivating and deadly tactic.

Sorry for the crappy image this week, everyone. I’m traveling and did this post entirely from my phone. :/

The Humpback of Notre Dame


When struggling with the best way to present this pun unto you, my faithful giggler, I used a few of my friends as guinea pigs. I want to take a moment to both thank and encourage you to follow these brave men and women. Thank you for your help!






And my sister… but she’s not on twitter… so don’t follow her.


You can find t-shirts, stickers, mugs, and whatnot on my RedBubble here:




Stalling1He died on the toilet the day before break started. He silently passed away in the seated position, leaning back on the tank. The few grad students that came into the building during the week saw his shoes and knew that someone was in there. The only pitying thoughts he received were from those that wished him well with whatever horrible thing must be happening in his bowels to make that smell.
He sat there all week, no longer bothered by long stints on the toilet putting his feet to sleep.

Listen to me read it here: