Audio Files

Soooo… I use Dropbox to share the audio files of me reading select stories… and Dropbox changed so all the audio files stopped working (thanks Dropbox).
I think I’ve fixed them but, unfortunately they are just links to Dropbox, rather than being embedded in the page. If anyone knows of a way to embed mp3s in WordPress without paying for premium or hosting it yourself, please let me know!

I’ve also deleted a few posts that were just lists of other posts where there were audio files. Fixing the original posts themselves was enough work, and I didn’t really see the point in fixing those too.

Please contact me if you come across one that doesn’t work, thanks!

 

As far as new stuff goes, I’ve added an audio file for

Norbert Faustino’s Disappearance: https://imasillypirate.wordpress.com/2016/09/26/norbert-faustinos-disappearance

and The Last Sunset: https://imasillypirate.wordpress.com/2017/01/02/the-last-sunset

Enjoy!

 

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Prayers to Therese

ThereseGif.GIF

I’ve decided to share another poem and folk song that I wrote to exist in the world of the science fiction novel I’ve been working on entitled Lyssa Jordan Robot Hunter (the other poem/ song combo can be found here). These aren’t about the story or characters for the novel, but exist in the background because even when we’ve push into the solar system and many of our daily lives are spent confined to tiny cans hurtling through space, hoping that the ship doesn’t break down, humans will still be writing music and poetry.

I’m not a musician and lack the musical ability to write down or recreate the melody in my head that goes with the following song. It’s folksy guitar. Feel free to just pretend it’s a poem, as I did in the attached audio file.


Prayers to Therese (the song):

Well she’s not very fast
and she doesn’t look nice
but she’s plenty reliable
you know, for the price
She doesn’t break down
and get’s me where I’m going
except for that once,
but I shouldn’t ‘ve been towing

So I thank my ship Therese for taking care of me
She’s a bucket of bolts, but allows me to be free
Just a few million more miles back to the earth
please hold on, baby, give it all that you’re worth
I’ll sweet-talk you, honey, all while you fly
’cause if you break down, I’ll probably die.

Life support’s decent
great for the money
as long as you don’t mind
that the air smells funny
From the time I docked drunk
The hull’s got a big dent
but it still blocks radiation
and the atmosphere doesn’t vent

So I thank my ship Therese for taking care of me
She’s a bucket of bolts, but allows me to be free
Just over a million more miles back to the earth
please hold on, baby, give it all that you’re worth
I’ll sweet-talk you, honey, all while you fly
’cause if you break down, I’ll probably die.

I lost a heat shield back there
The thing just fell off
and the engine started sounding
like a cougar with a cough
I’m starting to get worried
but I’m not dead yet
When I fly it’s a gamble
and it’s one hell of a bet

So I thank my ship Therese for taking care of me
She’s a bucket of bolts, but allows me to be free
Just a thousand more miles back to the earth
please hold on, baby, give it all that you’re worth
I swear I’ll fix you, honey, if we make it there alive
just, please hold together until after we arrive

The ship’s getting hot now
the coolant line’s got a block
The whole ship almost blew
but I fixed it with a knock
On our final approached
the drive coil starts to shake
Fixed it too, but I’m not sure
how much more the ship can take

So I thank my ship Therese for getting me home
She’s a bucket of bolts, but allows me to roam
It was a close call, Therese, but we made it back to earth
Thanks for holding on, baby, and giving it all that you’re worth
I sweet-talked you, honey, all while you flew
’cause if you broke down, I would have been through

Now with my ship Therese
all safe on the ground
The engine cools off
and she stops making that sound
she coughed and she wheezed
on the previous trip as well
but I think it’s gotten worse
I don’t know, it’s kind of hard to tell

So I thank my ship Therese for being ready to go
She’s a bucket of bolts, but she’s all that I know
It was close last time but we made it back fine
Because of you, baby, even if you did whine
I know I should be smart and these repairs I should do
but they can probably wait until this next trip is through

So I thank my ship Therese for being ready to go
She’s a bucket of bolts, but she’s all that I know
It was close last time but we made it back fine
Because of you, baby, even if you did whine
I know I should be smart and these repairs I should do
but they can probably wait until this next trip is through


Listen to me read Prayers to Therese here:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/ntvi9qdheaovs9z/PrayersToTherese.mp3?dl=0


Flowers (the poem):

When I’m away from earth
I dream that I’m in flowers
Onto my back I’ve fallen
And I stare into the sky

But when I am back home
After only a few hours
I’m attacked by pollen
And I feel like I might die

I go quickly to my ship
My view of home now sour
Into that can I’m crawling
And away from there I fly

But once away I forget
I swear the earth has powers
cuz I hear the flowers calling
And I let out a sigh


Listen to me read Flowers here:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/99xq9v4ggq9tceo/Flowers.mp3?dl=0

You can buy crap decorated with the ship Therese as seen in the GIF at the top of this post. As usual, it can be found on RedBubble: http://www.redbubble.com/people/imasillypirate/works/22760543-therese

When Pigs Fly

WhenPigsFly

“When pigs fly,” my father said, “that’s the only time you’ll make any money if you study Art in college.”

These were words I carried with me all through school while I got my degree in Art. They echoed in my head when I opened my own company, and they inspired me to design the pig-shaped kites that made me my fortune.

Thank you, father, for your wise words of encouragement.


Listen to me read it here:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/49w5x6jz307nhqd/WhenPigsFly.mp3?dl=0

I Had Surely Thought of Everything

I_Had_Surely

I headed out to start my quest
to slay the dragon from the west.
The king had made an official decree:
slaying the dragon would make me royalty

I had surely thought of everything.
My tale the bards would often sing.

I got a shield to keep me from death
by blocking the dragon’s fiery breath.
And to parry the dragon’s giant claws
I’d use my sword without a pause.

I had surely thought of everything,
and I’d get the thanks of a grateful king.

In order to pierce the dragon’s scales
I planned to use one of his own nails,
which had broken on the rocky wall
that runs around the king’s great hall.

I had surely thought of everything.
My tale the bards would often sing.

I even got a massive wagon
to carry the body of the dragon.
I’d parade it down the city street
and people would grovel at my feet.

I had surely thought of everything,
and I’d get the thanks of a grateful king.

I met a traveler, who had brown hair.
He looked at me and proceeded to share
some news that hit me square in the chest,
turns out, I’d been traveling east… not west.

I thought I’d thought of everything,
but now my tale the jesters sing.


Listen to me read it here:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/9vf6mb3nar1yurb/IHadSurelyThoughtOfEverything.mp3?dl=0

 

The Lumpy Duckling

The_Lumpy_Duckling

There once was a duckling that was different from the others.
He had a lump on his chest, unlike all his brothers.
The other ducklings would tease him and be really mean.
They would treat him like dirt: something unclean.
When the others were mean, he would cower with fear,
wishing they’d all grow lumps or that his would disappear.
The fates, it seems, can be rather vicious
because what follows is an account of how he got both his wishes.
You see, the lump was a sack filled with alien spawn
that needed a place to grow and flesh to feed on.
When they were done growing, they burst forth from the darkness,
leaving the poor duckling as a blood drenched carcass.
The aliens caught the other ducklings and buried in deep,
and, one by one, the ducks fell asleep.
When they awoke, as you may well have guessed,
each one of the ducklings had a new lump on its chest.


Listen to me read it here:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/2c22375gwmglavb/TheLumpyDuckling.mp3?dl=0